Monday, March 3, 2008

So, back to me...

I haven't been into the computer thing for quite awhile. Today I went and read everyone's blogs for the first time in who knows how long. It's nice to be able to feel like I can "visit" with you whenever I want just by looking at your blogs.

I've been working hard lately on trying to be myself in our ward. I feel like even though we've been here for 10 months no one knows the first thing about my true personality, and that's my fault. Tyler is always so happy when I have one on my "Wendy Moments" and my old self comes through. Last week in Relief Society I made the RS Pres change the lyrics to a little song she had written for our Stake Enrichment activity because it wasn't grammatically correct. A small thing, but it made me feel like I was being true to myself in a strange way.

It is so weird moving to a new place as a family. It is like you had no life before you were a mom. People ask how many kids you have, possibly how long you've been married, and that's about as far as they go in getting to know anything about you as an individual. Oh, they might ask if you scrapbook. It discourages me that this happens. What I find even more baffling is when I ask other people about their life before kids they don't really have much to say. Maybe this is because I got married "late" and I did have a history on my own...one that I am very grateful for the more I get to know other women who didn't have that opportunity. Anyway, I just wish sometimes that so much of who I associated with wasn't based on the fact that we have the kids about the same age, rather than on the fact that we have complimenting personalities or similar outside interests or something. Maybe someday I can get this new role of mother to feel familiar and totally fulfilling, but right now I am still working on it.

4 comments:

Liz W. said...

Wendy, you’ve given me a lot to think about, and you’ve changed how I interact with married-with-children sisters in my ward.

I used to think that all they wanted to talk about was their kids/husbands because (and I’m embarrassed to admit this) they wanted to point out what they have and what I don’t. You know, like they’re saying “See, the gospel plan worked for me, and not you.” Isn’t that terrible that those were my thoughts? Or, on the flip side, they talk about kids, etc. because they’ve got nothing else to say.

But it never occurred to me that women talk about their kids/husband because that’s all people ever ask them about. (And because they think that’s all people care about.) So, I’ve made an effort to ask my married friends about stuff that’s going on in the world. What they think. How they feel. What they’re interested in. And that’s made all the difference.

Something else you said that got me thinking was in a comment you left on my blog: that you liked yourself more when you were single. What strikes me about this is that I always thought I would like myself more if I were married. I guess because I see being married and having kids as accomplishing things of eternal importance, whereas, most of the stuff I do as a singleton has no real significance.

That’s where I feel the most pressure: to do something of real worth. What you do with your day is creating functional people to better this world. What I do with my day makes me happy, but it certainly isn’t on par with your accomplishments. I think that’s why I’m drawn to artistic things. By creating a beautiful poem, or art piece, I’m trying to put something into the world to make it better, or more beautiful. You’ve done that by being a great mom.

P.S. I’m glad to hear you’re doing more “Wendy” things. Your ward needs you!

P.P.S. (or P.S.S., I'm never sure which it is) I'm also glad when you post on your blog. I'm always wondering what's going on with you, and what you're thinking.

Mendy said...

Yay! A post from Wendy! I do so enjoy them. I hate to think of you not being yourself, Wend. You are robbing those poor Texans of a real gem!

I find your thoughts here very interesting. Sometimes I catch myself having the opposite thoughts in the same realm. I think, "That gal's daughter and my daughter are friends and her son is my son's age...so I really should try to like her more even though when I talk to her I just don't feel any sort of 'click'." Then I just say "forget it" and hang out with my friend who is twenty years older than me but who likes the same books, hobbies and humor I do.

I sometimes think I should try a little harder to get to know people, but then I wonder when I am going to do that. I don't know the answer and this is probably beyond rambling and nonsensical.

Anyway, I am glad you are back on the computer; I've missed you.

Laura said...

I can totally picture you going up to the RS Pres and pointing out the grammatical issue! What was it? I agree that not being yourself robs them of something really special. You were always a fun and unique voice, and your experiences in the world make for interesting conversation. I also agree with Liz that I probably had the same approach to married-with-children sisters in the ward. But I did make an effort to get to know some of them more and it really was all about their kids...and scrapbooking, and scrapbooking pictures of their kids!

themayerfamily said...

Oh, Wendy, I miss you! I remember when you used to say, o.k. back to me all the time. I agree with you on the ladies with kids. A lot of them can't remember, or didn't have a personality before, or after, some of them, their kids. One day . . . When I rule the world. . .