Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Lost

I wake up several times a night and have a very hard time going back to sleep.  The house is still, quiet, and dark.  My mind is not.  It is busy, busy, busy, thinking of my Lost One. 

I went through a phase not long ago when using the euphemism "lost" to mean "dead" was really offensive to me.  I didn't like the implication of "lost".  That it somehow meant I "misplaced" her, or in some way was responsible for her death by not paying enough attention to where she was so that she could just wander away and become "lost".  I just didn't like it. 

Now, with some time, I am able to accept the intention behind the phrase and agree with it's true sentiment.  My baby girl is lost to me.  I have lost the chance to know her.  And it is a lot to lose.  I feel it every day.  It is so obvious to me, the hole in our family where she is, but isn't.  I miss her.  I miss her deep in my soul.  You may think the missing wouldn't be there since I don't really KNOW her.  Which of your children would you not miss having the chance to know?  Just pick one.  After all, that's all I'm missing.  Just one.  One is lost.

1 comment:

Braunersrither Family said...

I can't help but comment. I think of my answer that i received after my miscarriage. (I know not the same at all) But the Lord told me very clearly that "Nothing was lost." I know you miss your daughter deeply and she feels lost. But I know that she is waiting and watching and so excited for the chance to know you and the rest of her family. I don't know how the Lord will bring this to pass but I know the promise is not just for me but for you too. He will keep his promise, all will be restored and nothing will be lost.