Friday, March 3, 2017

Sometimes I Just Don't

Honestly, I don't love being a mom all the time.  Can you believe it?  It seems like all we ever hear about motherhood is how "it's the best job in the world"  and "the most rewarding job you'll ever have".  I'm not sure what types of jobs these women had before, but there are lots of times when I certainly cannot agree that it is the best job in the world.  Please don't misinterpret me here:  I know that my kids need a mom, and I know it's vitally important to be their mom.  I would never want to turn that responsibility over to someone else when I am fully capable of doing it myself.  I do believe that what I do as mom is essential and has a great purpose.  But if you look at it as a job, at times it leaves a lot to be desired.  That is why I can never really look at mothering as a job.  It's too depressing.  Sometimes I feel like saying "Okay.  This has been great.  I'm ready to move on now".  But there is no moving on, is there?  Once you commit to being a mother, that's it.  You are a mother forever.

I think my children are dear little souls who need the guidance and love that I am uniquely equipped to give them as their mother.  When I think of what would happen if I wasn't their mother - if I died or something - it scares the bejeebees out of me, because let's face it, no one is going to love these kids as much as I do.  No one is going to be as invested in understanding their motivations, in ferreting out the root of their manifested emotions, in searching for and encouraging development of their strengths, in recognizing and giving insights into their weaknesses.  I know that is my purpose in their lives.  The thing is sometimes I wonder what my purpose is in my life.  It's certainly not a new or original dilemma for a woman.  But it's still a tricky one. 

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