Saturday, November 21, 2009

I Know, I Know

"Losing a baby happens to so many people." " It is actually very common to lose a baby." True. I know that. But see, it's not common for me. And I'm not thinking about losing "a baby". I thinking about this baby. I am sad because I will not know her, not because she was a baby, but because she was her. I am sad to miss out on who she might have been. Truthfully, I am very surprised at how hard this is. I can't imagine this being a real part of my life forever, and yet it is. I keep posting about it because writing about it is so much easier than talking, and then if anyone is interested they can just read this instead of asking me in person. So far this grieving process has been just like everyone says it is. It comes in waves. I'll be fine for a long time and then crash, I'll fall apart. That's why I'm so reluctant to be around people. I don't want to be fine and then suddenly fall apart in groups of people. I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable. It's only been a few days. How will I make it through thousands more? Time heals, right? But time is such a slowpoke.

2 comments:

Rachel said...

I'm PRAYING that people have not said these things to you. Because you're right, it's not common for you. And just because this has happened to other woman doesn't make your grief any less real or valid. I know that everyone who reads this loves you and would never think you needed to get over it. And as for the people around you, I'm sure that the majority of them feel the same way. You should be able to talk and write about this for as long as you need to.

Williams Family said...

i love you and wish to give you a hug and am so sorry i know every one says it but i really am i am praying for you and can't imagine how hard it could've been. i miss you as a teacher. over the past months i have grown close to you thank you-makala Williams