There's no easy way to say this - I view it kind of like ripping off a band-aid - just get it over with fast. The baby we were expecting in February has died. We found that out for certain this afternoon, but I had a feeling about it yesterday. I knew. I hoped not. But I knew. In fact, I didn't sleep last night. I just sat on the couch trying to feel something - anything, from the baby. A flutter. A turn. Or the lottery of movements, a kick. But nothing.
It is so strange how one month ago at my appointment everything was fine and dandy and today at my appointment she is there, but not alive. I can't describe it. I am at a loss as to what to do with this loss. I know miscarriages are very common. I don't think they are as common at 26 weeks. I was on the home stretch - the last trimester. It is so surreal. Especially the part where I have to go in tomorrow and actually deliver this baby.
I told the kids no new baby will be coming home with us anymore. They had a few questions, and actually it was a good conversation. They are a little wired now though. They know the atmosphere is different and things are Not Normal. Hopefully we all just make it through tomorrow okay.
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