Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Things Change

There's no easy way to say this - I view it kind of like ripping off a band-aid - just get it over with fast. The baby we were expecting in February has died. We found that out for certain this afternoon, but I had a feeling about it yesterday. I knew. I hoped not. But I knew. In fact, I didn't sleep last night. I just sat on the couch trying to feel something - anything, from the baby. A flutter. A turn. Or the lottery of movements, a kick. But nothing.

It is so strange how one month ago at my appointment everything was fine and dandy and today at my appointment she is there, but not alive. I can't describe it. I am at a loss as to what to do with this loss. I know miscarriages are very common. I don't think they are as common at 26 weeks. I was on the home stretch - the last trimester. It is so surreal. Especially the part where I have to go in tomorrow and actually deliver this baby.

I told the kids no new baby will be coming home with us anymore. They had a few questions, and actually it was a good conversation. They are a little wired now though. They know the atmosphere is different and things are Not Normal. Hopefully we all just make it through tomorrow okay.

5 comments:

Katie said...

Wendy I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I love you!

Lara said...

Oh Wendy. I am so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers, I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now. (hugs)

Rachel said...

These are the moments when I wish I was just there to give you a hug because what can I say except that I'm so sorry. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Amanda said...

We love you so much! I can't imagine how hard this is. Know that we are thinking about you and praying for you guys.

Liz W. said...

Wendy... no words, just love and prayers...